Feeling so nostalgic today.
My dad brought over 6 big plastic tubs of my old stuff, one full of old pictures. My mom, Karen, died a month shy of my 12th birthday, and after I had my baby, I felt like this whole extra missing part of me made itself apparent. I can't begin to tell you how many times I wish I could ask her for advice, or hear stories about what her pregnancies were like, our births, and what my brothers and I were like as kids, from her point of view. I have thanked her in the darkness so many times for feeding me, tending to me while I cried in the middle of the night, for changing my diapers in the dark, holding me close and rocking me to sleep when she was so tired, and all she wanted to do was sleep herself, but didn't because I was more important. I thanked her every time I found myself doing these things for my daughter, and knowing that every mother that came before me faced these same challenges, these trials, and these overwhelming joys.
From what I can tell, my mom and I would have been best friends. In some ways, I feel like we still are. I know I'm not the only "mother" who lost their own mom too early, and to those of you who've faced this same fate, I share my heart. For those of you lucky enough to still have your mom in your life, please know how blessed you are to be able to share this part of your life together. My biggest wish now, more than anything, is to be around for my daughter when she has her babies. I don't doubt that my mom is still with me and my daughter everyday, and that she is a very proud momma!